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Sleep On

A Poem Written in April, 2003 by Howard Ditkoff

The morning light streams with my tears
And falls upon your sleeping face
As I sit separate in this room
In shame and heartfelt sheer disgrace

I ache for warmth, your arms around me
But you sleep and still confound me
Crying out just shoves away
And manifests the games we play

As you sleep on you'll never know
This longing deep inside my heart
And how each movement in my bed
Just rips my empty soul apart

While pretty dreams play in your head
Terror strikes in me instead
And bubbles out in pangs of pain
That trouble so my weary brain

And thoughts of nights you spend in glee
While I lament and mope about
Focusing my thoughts on me
As friends and lovers take you out

Fantastic - so you say I am
But still it sometimes feels a sham
The look that once stared straight through me
Now seems to wander restlessly

If only I could read your heart
And know what really lies within
Then would I run and shut you out
Or feel more safe to let you in?

We cannot love, or so you say
But love like mine won't go away
It's bigger than I think you know
And based in things I cannot show

This world is full of so much beauty
Seldom though inside this place
Where my heart travels endlessly
When I look in your pretty face

Forever is a made up thing
Don't measure moments strictly by it
Seconds where your heart can sing
Beat hours when we never try it

But once again the pain of love
Inexpressibly misunderstood
Has left me on a see-saw
Between what is right and what is good

Alone to face these demons
In a foreign frightening place
So altogether distant
As that sun streams down your face

Wake up my little angel
Open wide your pretty eyes
See these tears go rolling down my face
But don't stare with surprise

Just hold me if you mean it
If you really truly care
Or sleep on if distance warms you
And I'll vanish in the air

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Copyright 2003-2017, Howard